virtuous banana soft-serve ice-cream from the wretched gwyneth paltrow cookbook

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This is what happens when you sit in a chair while someone blow-dries your hair for an hour: you read Self magazine. Specifically the cover story on Gwyneth Paltrow, nature’s candy and the purported lithe antecedent to Martha Stewart. Let it be known that I’ve held nothing but contempt for Paltrow, who was dancing to The Spice Girls with my beloved Winona Ryder and pilfering the Shakespeare in Love script while poor Ryder was probably in the bathroom. Let it also be known that I was this close to acquiring a Free Winona t-shirt because I felt I understood the J.D. Salinger-adoring, winsome goth princess. I’d been betrayed by back-stabbing blondes; I had a watch, I knew what time it was.

Please know that I’ve observed Paltrow with mild contempt. From dreadful movie roles (I did, however, enjoy her in Hard Eight, and Sylvia, because no one can play self-centered, whiny artist like Paltrow) to her GOOP newsletter (you guys, I’m just like you!) to her cookbooks, I’ve been a passive observer, perhaps waiting for Ryder to usurp her with a chain-smoking ode to the virtues of the cheeseburger, bun et all.

But back to the salon. As I read through the usual fawning profile of Paltrow, replete with photos of her frolicking through the grass, I spied a recipe that intrigued me beyond measure.

My friends, this soft-serve faux ice-cream is the best damn thing I’ve had in days. As I type, I’m eating this thing and it is GOOD. It has the consistency of whipped ice-cream, with the sweetness that has more depth than sugar could provide. I loved the smokiness of the maple syrup, and this will definitely be in my summer repertoire.

SMITE YOU, GWYNETH! {SHAKES FISTS! FREE WINONA!}

INGREDIENTS: Recipe courtesy of HER
4 bananas, sliced in rounds
1/4 cup roasted almonds, finely chopped {I used pistachios}
1/2 cup almond milk
2 tbsp + 2 tsp maple syrup, divided
1 tsp sea salt
1 tsp pure vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS
Place banana slices in a single layer on a plate or tray lined with parchment or wax paper; freeze at least 3 hours. In a bowl, combine almonds, 2 tsp syrup and salt. In a food processor, pulse frozen banana slices, milk, vanilla and remaining 2 tbsp syrup, scraping down the sides as necessary, until mixture is the texture of soft-serve ice cream. Spoon into bowls; sprinkle with almond mixture.

10 thoughts on “virtuous banana soft-serve ice-cream from the wretched gwyneth paltrow cookbook

  1. Gwyneth is one of those people I hate to love, or love to hate, depending on my mood, but she is creating a mighty empire, which shows she’s no slacker, and I love her recipes too, darn it!

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  2. I’ve been a lover of Gwyneth, but tired of goop and was recently taken aback by her quote about her family’s ‘specific hunger that comes from avoiding carbs’. That aside, this looks great! Maybe even good enough to be back on the Gwyneth bandwagon. :)

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    1. Karina,

      I did indeed see the press, as well as her response (my kids have Oreos!). Goop is grating, but I’m willing to check out the recipes to see if they’re up to snuff. Ill keep everyone posted :)

      Warmly, f

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  3. Ha. I’ve read horrible things about her new cookbook BUT I really liked her first one. Even though I eat meat, I thought her vegetarian options were easy, delicious, and healthy.

    Not sure if I will buy this cookbook, but I will try this recipe. LOVE bananas.

    Gwyneth was very good in “The Talented Mr. Ripley.” I wonder what motivated her to start GOOP. Yes, many people mock it, but it’s incredible to see how much it has grown. Other actresses are also building “lifestyle” brands. We’ll see how those turn out.

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    1. Arlene,

      I have heard her first book is pretty strong and that the new one lacks diversity. It’s not out until today, so ill definitely give it a once-over when it hits bookstores.

      I’ve heard she chose this path as she’d grown tired of acting and wanted to spend more time with her kids. While I actually do like some stuff in Goop, the tone and some of the content is so unrealistic but tries to be accessible at the same time.

      I’ve got bananas in the freezer as I’m eating this again tonight. It was that good.

      xo, f

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  4. I saw you post this recipe on instagram and was instantly intrigued. I love bananas and ice cream so this is a no brainer to add to my must try list. After reading how delicious and simple it is, I’ll be making this today. Thanks for sharing (and the other Gwyneth recipes!). Have an adventurous time in Europe

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